1. In going through some saved pages, bookmarks, that collect on my server like the grime of a tunnel too close to the rivers, I was looking at pages I hadn't really seen in a while. Actually, though I made a pact with the wind that I was off the fat chick porno sites, I needed some images of Penelope Pumpkins, a bosomy woman pin up doll, who is one of the basis's for my Miss Mary Amazon, and was hoping to get some new poses in the book.
I saw a page I had gone to once,... why did i save it, I wonder...?, where some schnook was pretending to be Stan the Man Lee. No lover of Mister Leiber, even I thought the page was not great. It struck me as the sort of thing which Moonies or Republicans might laugh at, Not funny, because, see, you cant lampoon a lampoon, you cant satire a satire, and Stan seems as though he was a natural at being a satire. Now, He's funny. As Capote, speaking of satire, said, there are phony's and then there are real phony's...Stan is a real phony, as he believes it. And too, this guy is a Kirby priest, --though, rabbi perhaps may be better, if even Kirby would even admit to it,...and appears to see Kirby, queen of hacks , as some Elvis of cartoons, blah blah blah, a lot of the usual CRAP. Again, I am placed in the strange position, as I seemed to always be as a kid, to come to the defense of a man I thought I disliked, Stan the man Lee, and find, perhaps, his enemies are something, like those of the mother Church, like insufferable boorish Luther's, whom I hate with even more Italic Gusto.
Oh, but this page made the usual Kirby apologetics look positively tame, this guy was a Kirby Torquemada, to mix metaphors, and his dower newsboy legion of Kirby fuckers is gallant and strong, keeps the faith....sheesh. This guy is STILL coming down from some four hour anti erection Enzyte and Hershey kisses mixed with diet Shasta made stupor hard on, and still has some hard ass vendetta --Jewish variation, with fountain pens and typed keys, God Knows, -- against a man named Vince Coletta for having quickly inked this masters shit, and not having treated each page like it was a yellowed page of Gioberti's original dome blueprint plans. Yikes....and away.
2. You all recall Jack the hack, the man whose career included trying to get a laconic C.C. Beck and then Shaffenberger, or even Pete Costanza ,anybody, thrown off of Captain Marvel so He could ruin that particular bit of Satirical genius, and thus bring Guiding Light- Procter and gamble soap operatics to comic books twenty years earlier. And, Jack is the man who turned the brilliance of Arthur C. Clarke into a variation of Adam Strange. Oh, yes, Hes the Leonardo like genius of human anatomy as a carbarator, who couldn't draw Superman's head. Yes, our beloved Jack the hack, his brilliance and his good ideas are legion.
This love of Kirby is bullshit, but it also hides something deeper and darker, an undertow if you will, in the sewers of cartoon land. Something ugly is at work here, heavens to betsy, not in comic land...ugliness, in this happy spot ..? Well, this fake Stan Lee guy seemed, to over do the Leonardo analogy, say that Kirby envisioned the I phone, like say a comic book Leonardo, so, That's right, Fuck you, Chester Gould....! And holding it, in this found stretch of the hack having created the iphone somehow in a land where car phones were something only the green hornet had, in a found genius piece of cartooning was a cartoon image of a knight...., who really knows, I dunno, ?, as who ever really knows with old Jake the snake?...who, as everyone does in Kirby land, looked like Martin Landau. EVERYONE, from Morgan Edge, to Betty Brant, in Kirby's tenement imagination, they ALL LOOK LIKE MARTIN LANDAU. That, bitches , is the sort of genius to which even Leonardo must kneel. Except , I guess, if he ever drew Martin Landau, then he would look like, oh, just guessing, George Layzenbee.
Despite the usual ford motor company parts anatomy, the arms and thick square fingers of these people, again, Old HACK JACK SHOWS NOT EVEN A PRETENSE OR A CARE OR EVEN THE POSSIBILITY THAT THERE IS A THIRD DEEEEEEE----MENTION, and again, their strange flat bodies have the chrome shine of jet aged Chrysler's, except of course, when he tries to actually draw a fucking car, and fails, amazingly trying to curve the metal whereas, in humans, he tries to flatten and sheen and buff the attributes of skin. Eventually he'd just give up and draw nothing but robots, who were even more soulless than his peepels. And the face is amazingly Byzantine, in that it seems drawn outside the laws of the previously mentioned Gioberti or anyone after the dark ages, in some strange paean this egregious house Jew, like Lee, seems to have to the Nordic gods of the alpine peepils. Amazingly, it is a face scribbled as though it were drawn by someone who had never even noticed or seen a face before. The lips , predicting Heath Ledger, seem to go past the eye balls, past the eye sockets, in fact, like a nigger joke said by the great Paul Mooney, cut here and cut here, and then goes seemingly all the way to the ear lobes. THIS IS GENIUS!!!!!! Homer Lives!!!!
3. Oh what a fool I was, twenty years drawing away, stealing from Roman walls, looking at things in motion, sometimes drawing women from TV, or flags or meteors I saw, as they flew before me, in an exercise of Da Vinci's, like the famous bouncing balls pictures. I drew out of Leonardo's Manhattan yellow pages sized notebooks my guardians bought for me, to make me an artist, when that word had meaning, where one figure was smearing in to the rest, as one unbroken line of pose upon pose, with arms going in various directions, and until the page was a thicket of pen, and it must be done in pen people, lines. They were cartoons of time, in a stationary but animated cartooning wildness, and still, ALL I had to do was ape this cunt, like the rest of you. But as a kid, I never payed attention to him, as few did, and nobody read that boom tube shit, no one forwent Romita, Swan, hell even Carimine Infantino, for that future of utopia where amazingly, everyone had Jew fros , looked like Abby Hoffman, wool socks were given out by the state, as where long johns, and who all spoke like guest stars in the mod squad. And when everyone looks simian as they strangely do in Kirby's Olympus Mons of left behind shit, hell, Ape is The poifoct word.